I woke up that morning like any other day. It was sunny outside, and the weekend forecast was supposed to be calm and hot. So, I figured it’s movies and the mall for me! I went out to check my mail. It was quiet. There were no birds and no people either. There were no maintenance guys tending to lawns and repairing things. Usually I would greet them but that day I did no t see them. I went on to the Starbucks for coffee. The line was longer than usual and the clerks were hostile!
I didn’t know why and I didn’t have time to figure it out. I had to get on with my day. The weekend was hours away after all. They may be hostile but I was feeling no pain. By midday, I went out to stretch my legs trying to relieve a head ache that was plaguing me violently.
There were groups of people clumped together whispering nervously. I approached them to inquire what the issue was…Black people they all said. Have you noticed there are none? Remember Quasara, Cometha and Istarica that used to man the front desk? Well, they did not show up for work today. They always show up unless their children need them for school field trips or other events. This was true but what was going on? So what if they were not at work? Everyone looked at me as if I had sprouted antlers on the spot! I didn’t get it… I massaged my temples as worry set in.
I couldn’t eat and decided to go home early. I felt sick… When I arrived home I turned on the news. It was confirmed no Black people were seen on Friday the 13th. It had to be a hoax. Right? What does it mean?
The weekend found me in bed. I was worried but a bit excited… Yes, I was excited! I had never had a Berken bag. I had never drove a Phantom… without Black people I could acquire all of their things right? Right? I began to think of all of my Black friends and items they owned that I coveted. If my friends were gone I could assume ownership of all of their property…
Then I recalled; I have no Black friends. Not one. Well, no issue. Black people have so much there would be plenty to go around. Additionally, without their complaining and criminal conduct the rest of us can experience happiness and satisfaction on a level never known before. We can become Sweden of the West! Finally! I was energized! I sprang from my bed to take a shower. I scrubbed my legs and feet for the first time in my life.
I breathed in deeply knowing that this air was for me and my kind alone and no one else! All of a sudden, I heard them…gunshots! There was war in the streets. Everyone fought each other as in the old days where Europeans killed Europeans constantly. Days of the Vikings returned in moments…all of the old, diluted DNA came forth in force. I feared for my life in that moment. I thought about Quasara, Cometha, and Istarica for the first time. I wondered if they were okay. I worried about their families and friends. As I considered the only Black people in my world…I became human Swiss cheese then my atoms liquified in a nanosecond…
Here I was in Valhalla with all of my clan… I was relieved actually. There I was on the brink of “progressing” – thinking of others instead of myself. Whew! I was saved in the nick of time! Thinking of yourself is so tiring already. Thinking of others? Thank God I never had to go through with that! The gossip is:
When Biden and Putin both realized that there were no more Black people in the world they realized they could do as they please and possess all of Arabia, Africa, India, Asia… billions and billions of Black people gone and their lands with their minerals free for the taking! Well they both took the nuclear option one after the other. From Valhalla we watched as the USA and Canada disintegrated then the USSR and Europe disappeared from the 3rd dimension all together.
All of our clans are here in Valhalla. I suppose this was bound to happen. Without Black people all of our abilities and inabilities are concentrated and focused completely on our own people alone.
Well, I have to go now the line for dinner is moving. What happened to the Black people? I asked that question and was told that it’s none of my business. How rude! Right?!
Anyway, I was told this happened many times before…seems we always do the same old thing. I am sick of it myself. We really do need to be left to ourselves within our own boundaries – we don’t play well with others… – we fight!!! We war!!! We steal, rob, rape, and pillage – that’s what we do!!!!
“The dead who reside in Valhalla, the einherjar, live a life that would have been the envy of any Viking warrior. All day long, they fight one another, doing countless valorous deeds along the way. But every evening, all their wounds are healed, and they are restored to full health. They surely work up quite an appetite from all those battles, and their dinners don’t disappoint. Their meat comes from the boar Saehrimnir (Old Norse Sæhrímnir, whose meaning is unknown), who comes back to life every time he is slaughtered and butchered. For their drink they have mead that comes from the udder of the goat Heidrun (Old Norse Heiðrun, whose meaning is unknown). They thereby enjoy an endless supply of their exceptionally fine food and drink. They are waited on by the beautiful Valkyries.”
Fuck peace, love, respect, and joy. Fuck all of you Bitches. We live and die to fight, drink, eat and destroy one another. That is who we are, and I am, fuck Roe and Wade!!!
Karen
On Friday 13, 2022 Black people in America quietly left the United States of America. In less than 24 hours the United States of America and the entire European world destroyed each other. There were tsunamis. There were earthquakes. There were fires. The continent of North America and the land masses north of Kemet no longer exist. Kemet is surrounded by the oceans. The Sahara Gardens are no longer empty. The middle east flows with milk and honey. Each region of Kemet luxuriates in their local bounty and are in peace with their neighbors. If they ever forget Friday 13, 2022 the gates of Valhalla will open once more…May this never happen! Let love continue among us forevermore in our universe and in every dimension.
We are Jasmin Caldwell, Taheshah Moise, and meteorologist Ashley Carter, at SGN (Sahara Gardens News) Thank you for tuning in tonight. Selah.
June 19th, 2022 Evening Broadcast
Ms Coletha's Blog 