But I don’t know: A Poem by Coletha Albert

Everyday, I am only surviving

Everyday, I can’t think of thriving

I ignore my world

I can’t deal with my world

I haven’t surveyed my world

I can’t afford to “see” my world

I don’t have a strong sense of self

I have no sense of self

Anyone can touch me

Anyone can kill me

I am a commodity

To be tasted, tested, misaligned, and misinterpreted

This is a strong foundation?

Upon this, I build my reputation?

Upon this, I build my education?

What is my purpose?

I don’t know

But, I don’t know

Cause I am not even surviving

I don’t dare consider thriving

That might make me steal your purse

Steal your rings out of your hearse

Mistreat your sons and daughters

Buy policies and pray for slaughters

Because I want to be “somebody”

I want to have a purpose

My world makes me lie, steal, and kill to get it

Then when I have Karma rescinds it

I don’t want the heat

Thus I ignore the kitchen

I don’t want the drugs

So I don’t link up with the dealer

I don’t want the churning spirits

So I don’t see the witches

I don’t want dragging through the dirt

So I don’t befriend bitches

I want to retain my dignities

So I avoid the indignities

Of chasing behind men

Who claim they want me as a “friend”

I work on my eternities

By avoiding the traps of my families

I stay clean, sober, holy

Can I call your life though?

I doubt it

But I don’t know.