I am watching the Netflix show “Sins of Our Mother”…it’s chilling. Lori Vallow was raised in LDS and she grew up to be married several times. Some ladies can’t find one husband while Lori found many. She was a bit “off the beaten path”… but when her son got married to a none LDS lady. This is when Lori became a survivalist.
Life is difficult. There is very little in our control. It seems the more you try to control life, the more chaotic your life becomes. At least this appears to be the case with Lori Vallow.
The LDS church has so many beliefs… so many… They do believe we are in the final days before Jesus Christ returns. This is a tenet of many cults. It’s a big red flag isn’t it. You never can embrace the present if you are always focused on the Apocolypse. Can you?
It’s fear isn’t it? Cold and brittle fear. Fear is the core of so many beliefs, thoughts and endeavors. It’s ironic. So many people I have known who were so focused on “The Last Days”. Here we are in 2022 and all of the people I knew growing up are now dead. So many people who never saw the end times happen. All the bible studies we had, studying the youth book, the family book, the great teacher, the paradise lost book… All the meetings and conferences we rose early in the morning to attend; district conventions, circuit conventions, circuit overseer special talks, we attended them all. We volunteered to make hoagies for the friends. We sold those hoagies and snacks with drinks as volunteers.
Minutes, days, weeks, months, years slipping by waiting for Armageddon – the Armageddon that never came. Then the memorial services began to happen one after another. We grew up. We grew up with years of neglect. We grew up worried about the future. We ignored our teachers and counselors as they referred us to various opportunities. We were watched at school. We were watched in the neighborhood. We were watched at church. Our hours were discussed at ministry school meetings.
We were left behind by our school mates. We were left behind by the kids in our neighborhoods. Our graduations were ignored. Our future was never discussed. So many aggressions micro and macro. We lived in our imagination. We wore masks that pretended we believed that Armageddon was imminent. We survived in internal and external stress. We never had a moment of sanity and peace.
That’s the life of a cult. When you are growing up in a cult, and you are a minority, and you are a girl, and you are living a lie, and you berate yourself for being a liar…knowing that “You are from your father, the devil, he was a liar in the beginning and the truth is not in him.” Matthew 8:44.
You wait for something, anything to happen to save you… and nothing does… Life goes on and no one knows you are suffering, you are drowning, you are sinking, and everyone is oblivious. There are no kind words of encouragement. There is no one to say, “I know what you are going through. I went through it and this is how I made it out.”
That never comes forth from anyone. It’s very lonely.
That’s why many stay in the cult lifestyle. Even if you are living a lie, it’s better than feeling like the last unicorn. You can’t share your thoughts and feelings with anyone. If you tell anyone you are vulnerable you will become a victim: “Here, hit this.” “Here, drink this.”
Now you have an addiction with a new “friend”.
It breeds a desperate cycle that few can navigate much less escape. So many lost souls. Our government does not help. Our community does not help. Seems like others are even more lost than the children of cults. It’s so confusing…
I think of these things as Lori’s story unfolds. I imagine she was gone mentally long before she left Charles, one of her many husbands.
Her Dad says that Satan took Lori… maybe…
I am watching the show, and it truly is a “rabbit hole”… Humans are very complex. Life is very complex. Is it all destiny? Is it all karma? Is it just a “class” we have to “pass” so we can get promoted to the next level. Does this school ever end? If you “drop out” don’t you have to repeat with other younger souls.?
My brother once said that this life is hell. What if he is wrong? What if this IS heaven?
What if the tent of God IS with us now? What if this is exactly what heaven is? Heaven, where you can choose to love or hate. Heaven, where the divine presence of God IS here and with you every day. Heaven, where the soul goes on and on, you choose to have a life that is wonderful or adventurous or lovely or lonesome or peaceful or hectic.
Heaven, where we create our own experience by our perspective. If your eye is simple, then you soul will be light indeed.
I am watching the story of Lori Vallow. It happened in Chandler, Arizona. A man was killed. Alex, another man, did not perform CPR. Colby Ryan, Lori Vallow’s son, is called and told it was a heart attack. I suppose he could have a heart attack after being shot.
Life is a lot.
If you have love in your life, appreciate it.
If you are lonesome tonight, just be okay with that.
Whatever is happening in your life – live it.
Do what you can… then leave it alone.
Somebody has been delivered today from a good situation.
Somebody is going into a good situation.
Life is happening… Armageddon will take care of itself.
===== She, Lori Vallow, now stands accused of the murder of two of her children, as well as conspiracy to commit murder of her fourth husband. =====
Still, joy is here.
Still, love is here.
Still, life is here.
Selah.
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